The Game of Tag

Although I do not realy know too many people who are 'bloggers' I will still try to do what I can!

The Rules:

1. You must post the rules.
2. Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
4. Tag eleven people and link them on your post.
5. Let them know you've tagged them!

1. Why do you blog?  I started blogging because I wanted to be able to talk about whatever I wanted without people trying to crticize, argue, or throw their opinions onto me.
2. What's your biggest fear? My biggest fear is never amounting to anything. I want to be something great for my children, I want to be able to show them what people are capable of doing regardless of what life hands you sometimes. I am afraid of never doing anything with myself or being able to get anywhere in life.
3. What's your dream job? My dream job would be a Chief Probation Officer for the Unites States Government. I want to go Federal not just county or state.
4. Do you believe in miracles? This is a difficult question for me to answer, I would like to say that I believe in miracles but I am not sure. I think that babies are miracles-- but there is also science that proves a lot as well.
5. What's your biggest pet peeve?  Annoying people? Is that too broad? I hate when people are hypocritical- how can you say one thing but then do something against what you said!! I hate when people live life in the me, me, me world- when it's always about them and their best interests.
6. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I would like to say I would love to live in Australia because I've always wanted to be there. I could say Mexico because it is so cheap, I could say Florida since that is where I currently reside- but the truth is, I probably want to live where I spent my whole life, but maybe not. There's tennessee that I absolutely love and like I said- Florida the Sunshine state.
7. What's your favorite quote/motto/saying? Happy are those who are willing to dream dreams and pay the price. Sometimes life is about taking that chance or that risk but you have to be willing to deal with the consequences sometimes.
8. What's your favorite food? A couple of months ago I would have said pizza or something greasy but I've gone away from those foods. I really love sweet and sour chicken and now I know how to make it!!! :) But I think my all time favorite food would be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches- quick, easy, and delicious!
9. Are you addicted to Pinterest? I would say half addicted because I am on there a lot, but I do not do a lot with it.
10. Would you rather go sky diving or scuba diving? Oh this seems like an easy question!! I would much rather go sky diving any day of the week. I cannot imagine the feeling of exhiliration and adrenaline when jumping from an airplane. 
11. What's something you splurge on for yourself? Taking me time I guess. I try to take time to run and work out because it is something that makes me feel better about myself. It's a time that I am able to get away and think about whatever.

11 Interesting Facts about me:

1. I have known my best friend since 4th grade! 10 years old- I cannot imagine someone knowing me better than her.
2. I ran my first half marathon in January. I cannot believe I was able to accomplish this.
3. My favorite actress is Julia Roberts: Awe honey I have a run in my panty hose. haha I'm not even wearing panty hose! (Pretty Woman)
4. I am still in school working towards my Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice and will hopefully graduate in 2013.
5. I am a work out addict. I love to run, I love to weight lift, I love to train, and I love to learn about health.
6. I love to cook and bake... and try new recipes.
7. I have 14 tattoos and looking forward to getting more.
8. I am a scrapbooker and LOVE to craft!
9. I am grown up- but sometimes I still feel like I don't know what I want to be when I grow up!
10. I've been through a miscarriage, a divorce, and a fire- Sometimes I allow myself to become envious of other people, but I know that I have become stronger because of all of this.
11. If I could marry any celebrity it would be Pierce Brosnan! :)

I don’t wanna grow up- I’m a toys R us Kid!!!!

Some people are faced with a life decision much earlier than the age that I am now- but apparently I hit this split later in my life. Usually when you are in high school you have to make a decision on where you want to go to school- do you even want to go to school? Where are you going to work? Where are you going to live? There are so many questions to face and you were excited for it all right up until the moment you actually realized what being an adult was all about.

      The perfect scenario: Graduate high school, go to a good college, get a degree in something that will actually have a good chance of producing a job (especially if you have to pay student loans), become stable in your career, get married, have children,….. live happily ever after----

Oh wait, that only happens in the fairy tale stories that I sit and read my children every night. Gosh, how I wish I could be Cinderella or Belle.. they all got there happily ever after, even though they endured a little hardship. Life is not a fairytale though and as children we tend to think that it is- mostly because those are the stories we always hear about, unable to truly process “feelings.”

My scenario: Graduated high school, moved to Minnesota to go to a great school, found out I was pregnant one month after I turned 19, moved back home, quit school, went to work full time, had a baby, got married at 20….. at 24 started school again, (had 2 kids now), worked full time, and got a divorce. Wow- that was a fairy tale if I ever heard one.

Now I am on my way to completing my Bachelor’s degree for Criminal Justice, raising my two (wonderful, most of the time) children, and working out all the time. The other night I was lying in bed and I feel like I was hit with a major panic attack- life attacked me while I was trying to sleep. I sat there and asked “What the hell are you doing Jamie???” Maybe it was the first time I thought this since my life had done a complete whirlwind in the past two years.. it’s been almost two years exactly since all the major changes occurred. I thought about Where I was headed, what I wanted out of life and what I was doing in order to get there, what I wanted for my children and how I was going to get that, how I would make my ex pay for his children too, and why I was going to school for criminal justice when I was never going to be able to find a job with that degree. I sat and thought that maybe I could just go to school for nursing since I had been in that field before and we will always need nurses- I could at least get a job and start making good money.. I’ve always wanted to be a personal trainer as well because I love to work out and If I can make people feel the way I do about not only exercise but food as well- then it would be a win win, but becoming a personal trainer would be hard to get started… I have $25,000 in student loans as of right now and I do not have a job in the career I want.. nor do I see myself magically finding a job- or knowing the “right people” to get my foot in the door. How has life come to that? It’s no longer really about your experience or education, it is about who you know and what they can do for you. The anxiety attack only got me down for a little while- until my sleep medication kicked in.

      So now I’ve come to the conclusion- I don’t want to grow up anymore, I just want to go back to being a kid with no worries in the world. Kids these days really have no idea how great it is to be a child. They are upset because they cant be as independent as they want to be, but gosh it’s better than having the whole world rest on your shoulders, hoping and praying to God that you are making the right decisions and if you don’t- hopefully god will be there by your side.

“God can bless a good decision, and God can redeem a bad decision, but God can do nothing with indecision.” (Pastor Jason tash)

Winning: It’s not always about coming in first place, it’s about finishing what you started.

I was able to experience one of the best moments of my life this past weekend. I was able to compete in a half marathon at Disney World- something I had trained for and thought about for a while. I was extremely excited, although it was not my first ‘race’ I had been in, it was my first half marathon. I knew going into it that with the amount of people that would be there, I was not there to “win” a medal for placement (everyone got a medal anyway because we are all winners!), I was there to complete a goal of mine.

 I have always been the athlete of my family, work-out –a-holic, and living the healthier lifestyle. It is one of the only things I am good at, something I can excel at and watch myself transform. I have went from being 120 pounds in high school, to 160 after having both of my children, back down to 114 pounds and I have been able to watch myself change every single time. It has really put stress on my skin and body, but at the end of the day I know that I am able to finish what I start. While training for the marathon I have grown much more mentally strong- I now have this strength that I can do anything with the right motivation and determination. I am now looking forward to completing a full marathon because of the experience. While running for my half marathon there were moments that brought me to tears, I was actually going to complete 13.1 miles, although I knew I could do it- I was doing it with thousands of other people, I was doing it for time, I was doing it for everything that I had never done it for before. Most of all- I was doing it for me, not to prove to anyone really, I guess part of it was to prove to myself. It was different running by myself and not worrying about the chaos going on around me, but running at Disney was organized yet chaotic. Tears formed because I was proud of the person I was, proud of who I have become. I may not have always made the right choices, but for those couple of hours I felt that I was finally doing something right in my life- I was where God wanted me to be.

Anyone can do whatever they want, they just have to keep going for it- keep reaching.  At the end of the day- it’s not about ‘Winning’ because the true winning part of anything is what you’ve found in yourself and I found me. I’ve been able to see me, know me, and find me through my running. I have won and I am the medal!

Watch me grow; Watch me learn; Watch me Change: They’re only ours for a little while

I remember the tiny creation you once were, something that I could only dream about. I remember the feelings and the sensations that filled my entire body. I remember the emotions that I had when I first saw you, first got to hold you.

You were my child, I could not believe that I was holding you in my arms for the first time. The overwhelming feeling of being a parent- whether it was the first time or not- it was always overwhelming and exciting. The fact that God had created a miracle inside of you, the fact that God allowed you to be able to feel this miracle moving and growing, the fact that God enabled us to pro-create; what a beautiful thing.

I always said I wanted to be a better parent than my parents were- I think it’s more of a cliché when that statement is made than anything because looking back, sure my parents weren’t rich- couldn’t give me everything I wanted in the world (Although I must admit I think I matured and became more responsible because of this) and we didn’t have the picture perfect family, but there isn’t a memory that fills my head that doesn’t revolve around one or both of my parents. They taught me everything I knew- to a certain point, obviously things I know today are from my own mistakes and experiences as well as school, but for the most part your parent is your whole world- the ones you know will always be there for you. The trust that you can put in your parents as a child is amazing, and somehow through the years we adapt the reality of what trust really entails and we lose that sense of trust regardless of what anyone has done to us. I know that I am not the world’s greatest parent by any means, but I’m not trying to be. I am only wishing that I can be a teacher, a provider, and a good example for my children. I want to be their mother first and their friend second; both I think are equally important. I couldn’t provide my children with the perfect childhood due to the fact that I chose to get a divorce and take my children away from their father, regardless of what is truly best for them or not; also because I am still in school and have made no career for myself- which means I am unable to provide for them how I should or could. I always wanted to allow them to learn and do things that I never got to because my parents could never afford, but I am slowing learning that my life is almost like that of my parents. Regardless of any of these clichés, the bottom line still remains: they are only ours for a little while- we have these precious moments and memories to teach them right from wrong, to watch them learn and explore the world around them, and to see them change from a child into an adult. One day they will go out into the real world by themselves and all we can do is watch because one day we must let them go. Cherish every moment with them… even knowing that in a couple of hours they will call or text you because you are still their parents and no matter how far they are- they will always need you in their life.

I want to hold onto my children as long as possible because as much as they drive me crazy, I have loved every moment of being a mother- from start to finish. I have loved watching them start as a baby and learn to walk and talk (although I wished for it, it is something that is somewhat dreaded nowadays!), turn into preschoolers and learn about the world, and now into young children truly learning about life. When they start to talk about cute boys and people who are mean- you know they are seeing the cycle of life. I will never understand the imaginations of children, nor do I have to. I can simply sit back and watch the creativity happen and revel in every single second of it. Of course I am not ready for my baby years to be over and I am definitely not ready for my children to grow up, they are slowing doing it though, but I still remember every moment.

Sometimes it's not about where you are headed or remembering where you came from... Sometimes it's about entrusting the journey you're on.

People always say that life changes, things changes, people change. I think the biggest change is the change that happens within ourselves. The leaves change every year, the weather changes every year- we can anticipate these changes, but we can never anticipate the change that happens to ourself.

Sometimes we find it hard to accept the changes that have occurred within ourselves becasue we do not want to admit that all the things that have been happening around us could be because of us. We do not want to take blame for what we have done wrong, but we are always willing to take credit for what we do right. People are wary to ask questions when they do not know the answer, but they find it easy to take the lead when they know the outcome. Did Jesus know the outcome? If he had known do you think he would have still continued? This is something we will never have the answer to. But at some point people need to start taking the lead and allowing themselves to be wrong and knowing that it is still ok. We are all so unsure of ourselves that it makes the rest of the world wonder about self-esteem and self-worth. I think these are some of the most important things in life because at the end of the day this is all you will have left.
Your parents will grow up and die, your children will grow up and leave your home, your spouse will either leave you or die as well, family is only as dependent as the next person, the only thing you know will never leave your side is yourself because that is who you are stuck with.

Realizing that you really have nothing and no one are some of the hardest feats. Being afraid will do nothing to change it.

Sometimes the things you always though you feared the most becomes the things you fear the least and the things you feared the least become the things you fear the most. When fear has come tapping on your shoulds there is usually only one thing to do- stand up to it and prove that you can defeat anything.

Change occurs every day, change happens without notice, changes happens, and once the change has been made- you can never get back what you wanted, memories are all you have left sometimes of yourself and those around you.

Keep moving forward, because there is nothing you can do to stop change, don't be afraid of it.