Is anyone out there?

It’s those moments in life when you realize you are all alone. The moments you find yourself searching through your texts and phone book wondering who are actually your friends. The moments you realize who you are.

Growing up I was the girl who had a decent amount of friends, someone who always had someone to turn to. I have never counted on myself and never trusted my own intuition. I guess I am not as independent as I always thought. I was always the girl who had a boyfriend, couldn’t continue living unless there was a boy by my side. Thinking of it now I have never actually been ‘single’ since about 6^th grade. Seems so draining just to think about 14 years of straight dating. What about the girl nights? The sister dinners? I was always too busy with boys.

Sometimes I regret decisions I have made, but I think we all do to a certain extent. Really- I regret a lot. The only things I don’t regret are having my two children and getting a divorce. Everything in between has regret. Although I know there is not much I can do because I can never go back in life, but I want to be able to tell my children things that I did that I regret, so maybe they can change their life and enjoy it more. I think life is about learning so that we are able to pass advice on from generation to generation- but at the same time what is the point of life really? I have yet to figure out what life really is about. I do not know at all. 

I am the type of girl that falls in love quickly, but never learns to trust. I know a man is never really the person he puts off to be in the beginning. They always change and not always for the better. A man can have me eating out of his hands in minutes because the only thing I want is to feel  loved. Unfortunately that feeling only lasts for  a little while. The good part about my kids is that they love me unconditionally- no matter what they love who I am and what I look like. I don’t have to work out hard to maintain a figure for them because they don’t care. I don’t have to try to go out of my way for things becayes they will love me anyways. The only people on this earth who love me regardless of anything are my children. Maybe I’ve been selfish. Maybe that’s what it all boils down to, I’m not sure. But lately, I’ve been feeling a lot of regret and I don’t know what to do with it all.