You Can Be Anything You Want To Be!

I would give anything some days to be three again, but then again I am twenty-five and every once and a while I get to pretend that I am three.

I get to be a ghost hunter squirting all the ghosts, trying to capture them, with my jelly gun. I get to be a construction worker and build houses, fix screens and bikes, and hammer and weld things together. I get to be a dancer and singer and run around the house, but I don’t have to worry about someone not buying my music or dances because the one person who matters doesn’t care how bad I am at singing and dancing. I get to be a patient who is badly injured in need of a doctor who can help. I can always be a Dr.: Dr. Wabob at your service J I can fix anything that you need me to and I assure you that it will turn out okay. I can climb on the playground and swing on the swingset. I can be a scuba diver and go down the water slides and collect all the dive rings at the bottom of the pool. I  can be a chef and whip you up something good with just the bark and leaves from outside.

My son teaches me a lot about myself and all the things I really can do. I hope that I am able to open up his eyes as well when I let him imagination run wild. I watch him with pure fascination because I am amazed at what he is able to make-up and what he is able to remember. He really does make me the best person I can be.

The most important part of getting to be anything I want to be is being able to still be the mom at the end of the day. I can kiss away any boo-boos, I am the exterminator when I have to kill bugs, and I am a storyteller at bedtime. I get the best job of all. No matter where I go in life, I know that I will always be a mom.

I do not know about anything else in my life in any other aspect, but I do know that no one can take my children away from me and no one can tell me that I didn’t do a good job. Some days I feel like I could do more. “Here Logan, watch some cartoons, I need to clean, do homework, shower…” Before you know it Chloe is home and I feel that another day has washed away without me doing much with him. I always feel like I have to be the best I can be and take him on wild adventures and go spend money to have fun with him, but the moments where we get to use our imaginations together are some of the best moments that we can create.

There are days when I just want to crawl into a ball because I feel like I have not amounted to what I ever wanted, I have not completed what should have been done by this time in my age, that I have yet to make my own parents proud; BUT I have created two beautiful lives that help me retain my youth. I get to be a kid every once in a while, but I get to be a full time mom. I have an excuse to act like the ghosts are chasing after us at a playground filled with people, I get to act crazy because I broke my fake arm and my son has to fix it, I get to wear the construction goggles when we build something together just because I can, because it’s fun, because it makes them laugh. Their laugh is contagious, beautiful, and heartwarming. I do not think there could ever be a person who I love more than anything besides those two lives I created, except of course another part of me or two or three more J I am thankful to their dad for giving me two of the best gifts that God could ever give me. I am thankful for the moments I have with them. 

Sometimes I just want my momma!!!

Today I was faced with some hard decisions and some hard reality. After 4 ½ years I had to go to the dentist because of dental pain- I knew the outcome I would not like, but I was not prepared. Once arriving there I was told that both the teeth that were causing pain needed root canals (along with many other issues going on). I tried to fathom what I had done wrong… a root canal?? I can’t afford $1,200 per tooth- I don’t have insurance. So instead of trying to figure out how to fork out $2,400 on 2 teeth I decided to get those 2 teeth pulled and spend the other $2,000 saved on taking care of the rest of my mouth.

            I’m in shock that I’m getting rid of teeth that I will never get back, but it makes me appreciate the value of my teeth a lot more. Something I should have listened to my mom about. She always used to tell me that I needed to take care of my teeth, but I never really cared that much because I just always assumed that teeth could just be replaced, although they can- it is way more expensive.

            I have been hard on my kids about flossing daily, brushing at least once a day if not twice, and rinsing at least once a day if not twice- they always fight me on it, but I will continue to enforce it because if I start these habits today they will continue this for the rest of their life. We all love routines and if this is something they consider routine for them then hopefully I can save their teeth. I do not want my kids to be in the same predicament that I am finding myself in now because I will never get those teeth back. If I’m not careful and not smart then I could lose a lot more… taking time out for yourself is way more important. No one likes going to the dentist, but those are the kind of things you need to do for yourself. In the past 4 years if I would have paid $100 here and there to get a cleaning and check up maybe I could be saving my teeth and money in the long run. I always hate putting a large amount of money down now, but if it saves you in the long run then it really is worth it.

            I wish I could get insurance and hopefully I will be able to get it soon, but only time will tell..

            My mom usually was always the one that had been there for me. Every time I went to the dentist, every time I went to the doctor, when I was in the hospital, when I had my wisdom teeth out, when I had a miscarriage, when I had my D & C.. she was always the one that was there for me. She wasn’t there for me though this time because she wasn’t able to be. I was emotional because I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know if the right choice was getting rid of my teeth and trying to save the others or if I should have done a root canal. I was faced with so many things that all I wanted was someone there with me. Brian was taking care of Logan for me, otherwise I know he would have been there for me. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do, usually I don’t mind making decisions, but I’m always looking for approval- I always want someone to tell me that I’m doing the right thing. I think I need to start thinking about me and what is best for me. I still wanted my mom though.

(This was wrote a couple of weeks ago, not today! My teeth are doing much better thankfully!)